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Those who live fake life throughout their entire life

Discussion in 'ICO Discussions' started by ItuExchange, Oct 30, 2018.

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    Has anyone lived a lie their whole life?


    I am a 64-year old man. For the better part of my life, I had to live a lie. Not because I wanted to. I had to. There is no way I can fully explain what it was like growing up in a very abusive home. Knowing, after being told continuously that you were never wanted in the first place. Anything and everything you believed in or wanted to accomplish, you were told you were too stupid to ever achieve. To realize, when you are only 6 years old, you were attracted to your own gender and you did not know why. To fully discover you were gay when you were 14. To know you could never say or admit it to anyone. To have a boyfriend, a lover, who would be the love of your life, and knowing it could never be.

    Being discovered who you were at 16 and damn near losing your life over it. Having been beaten before, this beating was ten-times worse than anything you have ever endured. The lie grows. It manifests itself into becoming someone you never were.

    Does the lie include deception? In many ways yes. Making every appearance you are straight when you are not. The only truth you had was genuinely falling in love with only one woman. She would eventually discover your lie, yet understood why you never said anything. Why you hid. Why you never removed your shirt. Why you never allowed her or anyone to see your back, let alone your body naked unless it was dark. Why you shied away from people. Why, even with a high intelligence, you chose to act dumber than you were. Why you were never really happy.

    I carried a lie until I was 61 years old. I only started admitting it after my wife of 40 years died. That lifetime of lies cost me everything, except for the only grandchild, my oldest grandson, whom I have raised since he was a baby. He is deaf and has ASD, so he does not fully understand what being gay is.

    I lost my children, as they disowned me. Friends deserted me, even though they admitted they had suspected I was gay for years. It wasn’t until I came out did it become an issue. I was cast out of my religion.

    You see, lies do not get you anywhere. Even the truth can get you hurt, badly. I guess Karma really can be a bitch. She is definitely getting me back in spades. Maybe I should have…?


    Source: https://www.quora.com/Has-anyone-lived-a-lie-their-whole-life


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